Anger
I exploded at someone today I didn’t mean to. Like I’m not known to be an angry guy, in fact people say I’m the calm and cool headed one, but recently I just haven’t been living up to that reputation. I mean it was only a txt but…I could feel my blood boiling and the anger in my mind as I typed out the message. I think there were 20 F-bombs in there, something I’m really not proud to say. I don’t know why I let loose like that, and what was even worse was that it was someone I really care about a lot, someone I could never even think of cussing at. It’s scary.
In the past 12 months, I think I’ve gotten really red faced mad at someone only twice. And when I say mad I mean full on vain popping, door breaking, blood boiling, shouting and cussing to the max, angry. Like I’ve got a Hulk in me I never really knew about until I was driving in my car with a couple of friends and got so annoyed I really let loose on someone, and literally was considering leaving them in the side of the road without a second thought. But yeah, that’s happened to me twice in the past year, and honestly that’s a lot.
I’ve never cussed out someone out of anger, or even just to cuss out someone. I don’t think I’ve ever been really angry really. But something…I don’t know what it was, but something just changed in me. Set me off, and I go from the quiet respectful Michael people know to…ripping your head off with rage. And it scares me. I keep a lot of stuff inside and Try to keep my emotions in check. It’s kinda the reason I don’t like drinking, since I just feel like I have to keep myself in check all the time.
Today I sent a really angry message to someone I never should have gotten mad at. I guess with how emotional I’ve become over the past couple of months, I’ve been on edge a lot. One thought entered my mind, and when it was revealed that I was being messed with, I snapped I guess. I snapped and wrote out one of the angriest messages I ever wrote, and right when it was sent I knew I’d regret it. And I did.
On the bright side of things, I managed to patch things up, but it still stayed in my head. I mean the next time I do something brash like that, I might really do some damage. I just hope that day never really comes.